Why Are 42% Of Black Successful Women Are Single?

29 12 2009

Its been a while, but this had to catch a post…

Read my opinion on all dis mess below…

As a black man, who was raised by a strong black woman who happens to currently be in a situation similar to these women (successful, financially independent, no husband), I have to say that this issue can be looked at in so many ways and can have varied opinions arguing strongly from all sides. The bottom line is that Black Men and Black Women (in my opinion) view relationships differently. They view career achievements differently, the view success differently.  I believe that a potentially successful black woman may hold off on starting a family or settling down for marriage for fear of hindering the potential upward path towards her career goals, where as black men may not view that as something that may impede their success. That being said, the goal of any relationship is for mutually love, honor and respect. Physically attraction is important as well, however that should only be a piece of the pie. In all honest, black women need to be better judges of character and be able to see deeper than just what a black man may appear to offer materialistically or sexually. There are a lot of really good decent husband quality black men that get very little attention from black women and therefore seek and find their wives within another race, while at the same time there are a large handful of black men that are players who have a whole shit load of women (some successful, some trashy) all chasing them down because these women feel that those black men have something to offer (and getting themselves played in the process). The best way to start the search for a black man should be by first seeing the way he treats and respects his mother.  Until you see that, you don’t really know anything about the guy..FACT. After that, they should determine how he treats and respects his job or career path (whatever the job is) because if he is serious about what he does then he will work hard at it and will value his success in that field..FACT.  After that then its about what works and does not work within the relationship personality and compatibility wise. With all this being said, I will tell you that black men are all looking for the following for a black wife….

1) someone who understands and respects that under God, the man is the head of the household (this is something that should be respected by a woman). It does not mean that he is the adolf hitler of the house, but more that he should feel that his word is heard and respected. A strong woman should be able to allow the man to make decisions (and potentially mistakes) in order to show him that she supports him. This does not mean she should allow cheating though, just to be clear

2) someone who he feels is on the same team as him. I will tell you this, regardless of if you are black, white or blue, if you are dating or interested in a man who likes sports, you better find out which ones and express an interest. If he likes hunting wild boar, you better be right next to him sharpening his huntin knife for him or something. My point is that a man will look to marry a woman whom he feels can be by his side when he is enjoying something that he likes doing. He will also be more willing to try things that you like doing because he will know how it feels to be supported and more likely to give that support back. Once a man feels this way about a woman, then he will be hard pressed to feel like looking elsewhere. Black women who understand and respect this will be able to keep a black man (Happily married black women, tell me this isn’t true…I dare you).

3) someone who understands his struggles and hardships. Men seem simple to women, however there are things that men deal with that women have no clue how to approach. Case in point, I had a girl who I had been in the car with me when I was pulled over by the police. She was so heated by the fact that we had gotten pulled over for almost no reason that she started getting into an argument with the cop while I was trying to just get the situation handled and move on. She was demanding his badge number and trying to understand why me as a black man was not being more aggressive towards the cop. Now I understand that I have a right to stand up for any situation, however when a black man is pulled over by a cop, a white cop, the last thing he wants to do is get into an argument as it usually results in the right to remain silent. She was oblivious to the struggle and as such was not supportive of how I was attempting to handle the situation. That is an example of the need to understand the struggle.  A similar struggle is the black man challenges within the workplace in regards to advancement. It is not impossible for black men to succeed, but black women have to respect the fact that in this day and age, it is easier for a black women to succeed then it is for a black man (and before I hear the uproar, black women better understand that the “double minority” of black women is visible now and catered to more than what black men continually have to face). In the corporate world, black women are more highly regarded then black men, and as such black men, though educated, may have to work a lot harder than a black women may still realize to advance within his profession. All a black man wants is a women who understands and respects the struggle, and does not blame him or look down on him because of it (Any black woman that disagrees, go ask a single black man if this is not true).

4) someone who is a freak in the sheets. This many seem cliche but it is a damn fact. No man is going to cheat or consider dating multiple women if he is constantly getting every sexual fantasy filled by one woman. In the bedroom, the answer to every question should be “YES” even if the feeling is “HELL NO” because a YES in the bedroom means that the man does not have to leave that bedroom to get that YES. Plus, if he is your man, you would want to please him in ways that no other woman could in order to show him that you are the only one that can satisfy him. If he wants to stick a butt plug up your ass, say YES…and ask yourself why does he find that arousing. Black women are naturally very sexual and desirable by Black men. More YES’s will ensure that the desire translates into commitment and monogamy.

5) carry yourself with class and dignity but do not make him feel that you wont get gangster for him (not with him) if he needs you too. A black man wants to feel that should the situation call for it, he can be back to back with his wife, fighting off a clan of ninjas if necessary but also feel that when that clan of ninjas is dealt with, she can fix her hair, put on some lip gloss and go back to being the respectable partner and friend that he fell in love with. With all the things a black man has to deal with in this world, the last thing he wants to think is that his woman is going to throw up the peace sign and bounce when things get tough.

6) the last thing I can say is that a successful black woman must realize that GOD did not intend for them to be alone. A woman needs a man just as much as a man needs a woman. If a woman did not need a man then God would not have made it necessary for him to be involved in the child making process. Get it out of your head that you do not need a man. But think of the reasons why you need a man (not for money, not for status, not just for sex). A black woman, like all women, need a man to provide them with the safety and security of knowing that there is someone out there that emotionally, spiritually and psychologically understands and connects with them and can support them. Anything after that that is a bonus and is icing on the cake. Ask yourself, why is Beyonce with Jay-Z (she is already rich and successful, and he is not the best looking guy out there). Probably because he is meeting a need that money and physical appearance cannot meet.

Black women ya’ll need to find your own Jay-Z and the lead him to riches with you by his side. A black women with this mentality will have tons of successful, decent black men proposing to her.

Or am I completely wrong about this whole thing…YOU TELL ME…

-CQ

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